Episode 52: Crying As I Type

I don't think I can continue on like this anymore. No matter what, I'm always just going to be second string. I was ok with that but I don't think I can do it anymore. No matter what, my problems, my feelings with always be put on hold for something else, whatever that is. It sucks feeling like this. I don't even know if there is a solution to this problem that leaves me feeling cared for, important, special and whole.

I feel so alone right now. I feel like I'm back in that crowded room, screaming and crying out for help...and no one even looks up from their own lives to acknowledge I am there.

Am I selfish for just wanting a break from this? Just a few weeks of things going right, with me actually doing something? Everything goes ok minuet by minuet when I just sit here and do nothing. But the moment I try to do something, nothing what-so-ever goes right.

I just want to be out of here, in Seattle already, wanted, needed...loved. I want to feel important. I want to come first, over everything else, not just when it's convenient, but when it's really important.

I want to feel like the little special fucking princess that I know I am.