One more quick note:
I may be moving out and into an apartment in December!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Spanking Haiku
4 days ago
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Episode 40: Job Interveiw and Doctors Appointment
So...two of the most dreaded days are upon me. Tomorrow at 1 o'clock, I have a job interveiw. My first. Am I ready for this? Not at all. I've gotten used to waking up whenever the fuck I want. But then again, this is only a part time job, working when they think they will be the busiest. It's just, I'm going to miss being able to write down any story idea, or next paragraph or brilliant sentence that just forms in my mind. I remember my first job and how I strugged to keep the good stuff in my mind all day and still do my job. And I'm afraid that some of the people I have grown accustomed to talking to on a daily basis will lose touch and I wont be able to talk to them much anymore.
And now the worst part. Next monday, at 1 o'clock (what is with 1 o'clock???), I'll be getting a physical and pap. I hate doctors. I hate physicals even more. And my all time least favorite thing, a pap. Stripping, putting my legs in those little stirups and spreading myself in front of someone that I just met. Not my favorite thing in the whole world. In fact my least favorite thing. I would rather be pregnant again with morning sickness all day through again than have a pap done. I HATE IT! *sigh* At least I have till next Monday to really worry about this shit.
And now the worst part. Next monday, at 1 o'clock (what is with 1 o'clock???), I'll be getting a physical and pap. I hate doctors. I hate physicals even more. And my all time least favorite thing, a pap. Stripping, putting my legs in those little stirups and spreading myself in front of someone that I just met. Not my favorite thing in the whole world. In fact my least favorite thing. I would rather be pregnant again with morning sickness all day through again than have a pap done. I HATE IT! *sigh* At least I have till next Monday to really worry about this shit.
Episode 39: Unnecessary Possessions
Oscar Wilde, a dandy’s dandy, once said that “we live in an age when unnecessary things are our only necessities.” What unnecessary possession can you not live without?
So, I sat here for a while, thinking about this one. What unnecessary possession can I not live withou? At first I thought my laptop. But then I really thought about that. It's not true. I need my laptop for school (essays, term papers, research), for writing (Word, research), the internet (to connect, to friends and other lifestylers, to learn from them as I am unable to go to munches and parties right now, to job hunt, to amuse myself, to listen to music, to research, to check my bank account and pay a few bills) and therefore it is not an unnecessary possession.
Then I thought that some of my clothes were unnecessary, which this is true, but I'm just generalizing here, and clothes are necessaties where I come from. lol.
So, I glanced around my room. Pens? Necessary for writing. Paper? Necessary for writing. Books? Necessary for my (in)sanity. CDs? Necessary for my (in)sanity. Puppy? Necessary for daily playtimes. Stuffed animals? Necessary for cuddling and sleeping, especially when sleeping alone (as I always am). Blankies? Necessary for sleeping and nap time and the cold weather.
Those are the general things in my room. But! I have found two things that aren't really necessary. One is my skim board and two is my alter.
The skim board. I bought it 2 years or so ago. Now, on the east coast it's kind of difficult to surf so skim boarding is as close as I will ever get to surfing. But, I'm not really good at it. This could be because the board isn't the right size for me to evenly distribute my weight and therefore balance the board properly and because I have one of the cheap boards instead of one of the $120 beautiful ones that I want. Even so, this board is unnecessary in my life and yet, I can't live without it. I love this thing. Can't explain why, but I do. I thought about giving it to my little cousin who is better at skim boarding than me...couldn't do it. I couldn't part with the damn thing. For some reason, it is an unnecessary object that I can not live with out.
And my alter. Now, to a Pagen or Wiccan their alter is extremely important to their craft and necessary. Not to me. I don't necessarily need it. I could put everything away in a drawer and only bring it out when it's time for a ritual or holiday. And yet, it seems that I can't do that. It is necessary to me to have my alter out and pristine at all times. My alter is my ultimate, unnecessary possession that I can not live without.
So, I sat here for a while, thinking about this one. What unnecessary possession can I not live withou? At first I thought my laptop. But then I really thought about that. It's not true. I need my laptop for school (essays, term papers, research), for writing (Word, research), the internet (to connect, to friends and other lifestylers, to learn from them as I am unable to go to munches and parties right now, to job hunt, to amuse myself, to listen to music, to research, to check my bank account and pay a few bills) and therefore it is not an unnecessary possession.
Then I thought that some of my clothes were unnecessary, which this is true, but I'm just generalizing here, and clothes are necessaties where I come from. lol.
So, I glanced around my room. Pens? Necessary for writing. Paper? Necessary for writing. Books? Necessary for my (in)sanity. CDs? Necessary for my (in)sanity. Puppy? Necessary for daily playtimes. Stuffed animals? Necessary for cuddling and sleeping, especially when sleeping alone (as I always am). Blankies? Necessary for sleeping and nap time and the cold weather.
Those are the general things in my room. But! I have found two things that aren't really necessary. One is my skim board and two is my alter.
The skim board. I bought it 2 years or so ago. Now, on the east coast it's kind of difficult to surf so skim boarding is as close as I will ever get to surfing. But, I'm not really good at it. This could be because the board isn't the right size for me to evenly distribute my weight and therefore balance the board properly and because I have one of the cheap boards instead of one of the $120 beautiful ones that I want. Even so, this board is unnecessary in my life and yet, I can't live without it. I love this thing. Can't explain why, but I do. I thought about giving it to my little cousin who is better at skim boarding than me...couldn't do it. I couldn't part with the damn thing. For some reason, it is an unnecessary object that I can not live with out.
And my alter. Now, to a Pagen or Wiccan their alter is extremely important to their craft and necessary. Not to me. I don't necessarily need it. I could put everything away in a drawer and only bring it out when it's time for a ritual or holiday. And yet, it seems that I can't do that. It is necessary to me to have my alter out and pristine at all times. My alter is my ultimate, unnecessary possession that I can not live without.
Episode 38: Jobs, Drinks, Blood and Gore, and That Damned Wall
Written on the 23rd
So, I feel that today was a bust. I got up, put on work clothes (i.e. dress pants and a nice shirt), put on make-up because I "had a job interview" today. I wasn't told to come at any particular time. I had to go into town today with my parents. We went to Olive Garden for lunch, and then WalMart and then Dad finally took me over to Great Clips for the interview. When we got there, the manager was busy, so she just had me fill out an application and said she would call me and set up an appointment for an interview. I feel like I wasted my time. I hate dressing up and I hate make-up. Now, I know it was necessary and I don't want to hear that it was...but it just angers me. All that aside now and on to better things.
I have a party to go to this Friday. I'm going as a human kitten (hee hee)!!! I love Halloween. It's the perfect time for all us lifestylers/kinksters to show our true colors and none of the vanillas are any wiser (plus it's one of the most cooler of the Wiccan holidays). Brilliance! But, it should be fun. Lots of music and even more alcohol. I plan on getting shitfaced. I haven't gone drinking in a while and I am beyond excited about this opportunity.
I got my best friend and sister in Wicca to watch the Saw movies last weekend (even though I call the movies "torture porn" and she hates blood and gore) and now she is excited about the release of Saw V tomorrow. So, I'll be going to see it too!!!
I know this post seems random but most of them are.
On the topic of my slave hood. I recently had a minor scene on the phone. Or it should have been. It didn't stay that way. For months I teetered back and forth between compliance and defiance with the man that guided me and helped insure that my first, real-life experience went well (we'll call him: The Doctor). Now, I would be willing to accept that the reason I would rebel and put up a wall is because I don't really know and trust this person. But, it's not true. I, with all my heart, trust The Doctor, even love him. But for some reason I would still put up this wall when he would order me to do something simple, like kneel or talk about how I feel while playing. It was the not talking while playing that was our main problem. And that was my problem last night (not with The Doctor).
That cursed wall has gone back up. *claws desperately at wall* I WANT IT DOWN!!!!!!!
So, I feel that today was a bust. I got up, put on work clothes (i.e. dress pants and a nice shirt), put on make-up because I "had a job interview" today. I wasn't told to come at any particular time. I had to go into town today with my parents. We went to Olive Garden for lunch, and then WalMart and then Dad finally took me over to Great Clips for the interview. When we got there, the manager was busy, so she just had me fill out an application and said she would call me and set up an appointment for an interview. I feel like I wasted my time. I hate dressing up and I hate make-up. Now, I know it was necessary and I don't want to hear that it was...but it just angers me. All that aside now and on to better things.
I have a party to go to this Friday. I'm going as a human kitten (hee hee)!!! I love Halloween. It's the perfect time for all us lifestylers/kinksters to show our true colors and none of the vanillas are any wiser (plus it's one of the most cooler of the Wiccan holidays). Brilliance! But, it should be fun. Lots of music and even more alcohol. I plan on getting shitfaced. I haven't gone drinking in a while and I am beyond excited about this opportunity.
I got my best friend and sister in Wicca to watch the Saw movies last weekend (even though I call the movies "torture porn" and she hates blood and gore) and now she is excited about the release of Saw V tomorrow. So, I'll be going to see it too!!!
I know this post seems random but most of them are.
On the topic of my slave hood. I recently had a minor scene on the phone. Or it should have been. It didn't stay that way. For months I teetered back and forth between compliance and defiance with the man that guided me and helped insure that my first, real-life experience went well (we'll call him: The Doctor). Now, I would be willing to accept that the reason I would rebel and put up a wall is because I don't really know and trust this person. But, it's not true. I, with all my heart, trust The Doctor, even love him. But for some reason I would still put up this wall when he would order me to do something simple, like kneel or talk about how I feel while playing. It was the not talking while playing that was our main problem. And that was my problem last night (not with The Doctor).
That cursed wall has gone back up. *claws desperately at wall* I WANT IT DOWN!!!!!!!
Thursday, October 9, 2008
Episode 37: Love, Pain and Three's A Crowd
What do you do when you end up coming between two people that you care about? I never wanted to come between them, ever and yet, I somehow have. And I feel so bad about it. And yet, I don't think there is anyway to fix it and us all come out of it ok. I would be ok with it if they were able to fix things and I was left out. It's not my desire to hurt others just to make myself happy. I just want them to be happy again, even if I am left hurting. It's not fair to her to feel bad about how I feel about her Master and it's unfair to him to feel guilty that she and I are hurting....I just wish that life was easier.
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