Episode 30: Respect Vs. The Doormat

When does compromise of self expression become the re-wiring for a doormat? I'm not sure I have this answer or if I ever want to.

Recently collared and struggling, like I have this entire time with BDSM and my role in it, I don't know what to do in this situation. I was raised to never censor myself. I do know how to be polite, but why should I? I know why I should be polite to Sir, that's respect. But when does He cross the line when asking me to be polite when I am upset to the point of crying, completly and totally outside of a scene, and expressing my feelings? What the hell is that?! Since when did I have to polite when expressing how I feel?!

He once said that He wanted me to be myself, as long as I was respectful. Well, what if the way I said how I felt was respectful to me? What if the way I said it was respectful to the way I wanted to say it? I dont understand. How do I be respectful to him, and still get what I want said without becoming a doormat?

I know life isn't fair, but this really isn't fair. Am I just being a petulant child? Am I being bratty? Am I being disobedient? Why can't I find the answers when I need them?