Episode 31: I am a brat

I am a brat. I didn't really think that I was a brat until Master forced me to see it. Being a brat was never my intention. But I guess that's what I am. Or maybe the reason I seem more of a brat as of late is becuase of the fact that I am exhausted. I've been staying up all night into the early morning hours in the hopes that I can talk to Master, talking to him for a few hours and then repeating the whole process. Sometimes I get a short 2 or 3 hour nap each day, but more often than not, I don't sleep at all. Lack of sleep not only puts me in a perpetual bad mood but it weakens my immune system and is probably why I'm still a little sick from 3 weeks ago.

In any case, we've come way too close to terminating the relationship as it is too many times. I know that it's all my fault. And even knowing this, I can't figure out how to fix this or if it can be fixed. Maybe I just need to be beaten back into place. Or maybe I need to be beaten into place for the first time. I don't know. I feel like I cause him an extreme amount of unecassary pain and stress.

If you are reading this, and I do cause you unnecassary pain and stress, then maybe I should turn in my collar. I don't want to cause you anymore pain, you don't need to have to deal with my crap all the time. Even though I love you, I cause more stress than I'm worth. I promise I wont be upset. It's just, I know that you have more than enough to deal with, without having to deal with me.