Episode 38: Jobs, Drinks, Blood and Gore, and That Damned Wall

Written on the 23rd

So, I feel that today was a bust. I got up, put on work clothes (i.e. dress pants and a nice shirt), put on make-up because I "had a job interview" today. I wasn't told to come at any particular time. I had to go into town today with my parents. We went to Olive Garden for lunch, and then WalMart and then Dad finally took me over to Great Clips for the interview. When we got there, the manager was busy, so she just had me fill out an application and said she would call me and set up an appointment for an interview. I feel like I wasted my time. I hate dressing up and I hate make-up. Now, I know it was necessary and I don't want to hear that it was...but it just angers me. All that aside now and on to better things.

I have a party to go to this Friday. I'm going as a human kitten (hee hee)!!! I love Halloween. It's the perfect time for all us lifestylers/kinksters to show our true colors and none of the vanillas are any wiser (plus it's one of the most cooler of the Wiccan holidays). Brilliance! But, it should be fun. Lots of music and even more alcohol. I plan on getting shitfaced. I haven't gone drinking in a while and I am beyond excited about this opportunity.

I got my best friend and sister in Wicca to watch the Saw movies last weekend (even though I call the movies "torture porn" and she hates blood and gore) and now she is excited about the release of Saw V tomorrow. So, I'll be going to see it too!!!

I know this post seems random but most of them are.

On the topic of my slave hood. I recently had a minor scene on the phone. Or it should have been. It didn't stay that way. For months I teetered back and forth between compliance and defiance with the man that guided me and helped insure that my first, real-life experience went well (we'll call him: The Doctor). Now, I would be willing to accept that the reason I would rebel and put up a wall is because I don't really know and trust this person. But, it's not true. I, with all my heart, trust The Doctor, even love him. But for some reason I would still put up this wall when he would order me to do something simple, like kneel or talk about how I feel while playing. It was the not talking while playing that was our main problem. And that was my problem last night (not with The Doctor).

That cursed wall has gone back up. *claws desperately at wall* I WANT IT DOWN!!!!!!!