Goddess For Today, November 27, 2008

Mina Koya

Themes: eather; health; Ghosts; Blessing

Symbol: Salt

About Mina Koya: The salt goddess of the Pueblo Indians, Mina Koya is often venerated during autumn festivals for her power to cleanse, protect, and preserve things, including our homes and traditions. Her healing power becomes all the more important as winter’s chilly hold gets stronger.

To Do Today: New Mexican festival, Shalako is an all-night ritual of dancing and chanting to bless homes, commemorate the dead, bring good weather, and improve health for all participants. One tradition that honors Mina Koya and draws her well-being into the sacred space of home is that of noise making. Take a flat-bottomed pan and sprinkle salt on it. Bang this once in every room of the house (so some of the salt shakes off). This banishes negativity and evil, replacing it with Mina Koya’s blessing. To improve the effect, chant and dance afterward, sweeping up the salt and keeping it for the weather charm that follows. Or, flush the salt down the toilet to flush out any maladies.

If it’s been wet or snowy and you need a reprieve, bind a little salt in a white cloth and bury it. The weather should change temporarily soon thereafter. This bundle will also protect your home and its residents from damage by harsh weather for as long as it stays in the ground nearby.

Goddess for Novemeber 25, 2008

Arianrhod

Themes: Arts; Magick; Manifestation; RebirthSymbols: A Silver Wheel (spinning tools: shuttle, yarn)

About Arianhod: In Welsh tradition, this is the goddess of the "silver wheel" upon which magick is braided and bound together in a tapestry of manifestation. Stories tell us that Arianhod abides in a star where souls wait for rebirth (the wheel here becomes the wheel of life, death, and rebirth).

To Do Today: Known as Catherine of the Wheel, this saint oversees spinsters (literally and figuratively) . Like Arianhod, she is a patroness for lace makers and seamstresses. In keeping with this theme, today is an excellent time to try your hand at making a special pouch for housing some of your magickal tools or trinkets. Begin with two rectangles of natural-fiber cloth one inch larger that the item you wish to house within. Put the right sides together and stitch three edges, leaving a three-quarters of an inch opening at the top for a drawstring to finished edge. Turn the pouch right side out. Repeat the goddess's name to bind Arianhod's power ineach stitch. Fold over the top hem twice so it won't unravel, and stitch that with silver thread for the goddess's protection.

If time doesn't allow for this, a favored beverage to inspire this goddess's blessings is ale or cider with an apple slice or caraway bread and tea. Pour a little of this out as a libation, then drink it fully to awaken and energize Arianhod's magickal potential within you.

Episode 47: Mistakes

Ever had a day when all of the mistakes you've made in the past became painfully and acutely aware to you?

That's how I feel. There are few things that I feel I did right this year but more than that, I sit here today and see everything I did wrong. It makes my heart hurt to sit here and think of all of those mistakes and it brings tears to my eyes knowing that I can't change what has been done. That I had everything I wanted in the palm of my hand but I failed to see it for what it was or more often than not, I was too impatient to wait it out

Episode 46: Giving Up

Do you ever feel like just letting go, giving up? Do you ever feel like it's all a waste of time.

Well I do. I don't know if I can keep going like this. I feel like I'm spread too thin, that my emotions are spread too thin. I don't want to feel like this. I don't know how to love three people, long distance, and keep us all happy. But then again, is that necessarily my job? I don't know. All I know is I have this strong desire to make everyone happy. I want the people I love to be happy, but I have to be happy too and I dont know how to do that when faced with the knowledge that he loves someone else.

*crying* I just want to be loved and I want them all happy, but I don't know how to deal when the way for them to be happy isn't me.

Episode 45: On the Subject of Love

So, on the subject of love. How long do you wait, after you feel you are in love with someone, to tell them? Sometimes, it doesn't take me long at all. Sometimes I don't even realize I am in love with the person until it just slips out. Sometimes it takes me years to realize I am in love with someone.

But then, there are the times that I know I am in love with someone and am afraid to tell them. Ever have that happen? You know you love someone but are afraid to tell them, in case they don't feel the same?

And I don't mean loving someone, I really do mean, being in love. Loving someone and being in love are two different things. I know who I love and I know who I am in love with. I know that I love the people I love and I also know that I would love them even if I weren't "in love" with them.

Am I making any sense? I'm trying to talk about how I feel about certain people, without revealing names.

I feel that I am in love with someone, but I'm afraid to tell them how I feel. I mean, rejection is a big fear for me. I don't want to tell him that I am in love with him and then have him tell me that he likes me but that he doesn't love me back.

So, how long is long enough before telling someone that you are in love with them, or that you think you are falling in love with them?

I just....I don't know if I can tell him that not only do I love him, and I do, but that I think I am in love with him.

Episode 44: Update on Living Arrangement

Just thought I would come in and add this one little bit.

In 2-3 weeks, I am moving out of my parents house and into my friend Blake's house. I'll be living with Blake and a mutual friend Sam out near Watson's Mill.

I'm excited about this move, finally being away from my parents, but I'm also afraid. Afraid of the change.

But, that's what I came back to say. Lol.

Episode 43: Doctors Appointment

I had my doctors appointment today. Sucked ass. Filled out all this paper work. Had to sit around for a while. Then the nurse called me back and we weighed me (holy shit! do i need to lose weight!!!!), measured me (yep, I'm stil 4 foot 11 and 1/2 inches tall), blood pressure, pricked my finger to check my iron count and then moved me into the little exam room. *sigh*

I know, same old same old shit. Very long story short, I wore nothing but paper today. Oh! Wait, not true. I also wore my socks. I got my HIV test done. Did you know that they don't have to draw blood anymore to determine HIV, that they can test your saliva for the HIV antibodies? I didn't either. Pretty cool though. Then came the breast exam. Always weird to have some cute little chick have her fingers all over your breasts and still manage to be calm and professional about it, even when your breathing increases.

And then the pelvic and pap smear exams. Suffice it to say, I don't remember my first pap smear hurting this bad. The pressure really sucked. Oh, and apparently my cervix is tilted which added to the tension when she locked the speculum to do the swabs. Now, I don't know what this woman did, but I cried when she did one of the swabs. Hurt so bad. And not in the good way, at all. She did one more swab than necessary. She said she wanted to look at it under the micro. Turns out I have a very very very mild yeast infection. One pill, that she gave me, is supposed to clear it all up. I don't know if it will or not, as I didn't notice any symptoms to begin with. *sigh*

Oh, what joy the pelvic exam was. Similar to the breast exam actually. It's been so long since I've had fingers other than my own in my cunt that it was deff. an experience to have hers, gloved or not, in my cunt. But oh well. I was then able to clean off the lube (anyone know what they use? it was an unmarked bottle and I'm curious) and get re-dressed.

We talked about some other things. I decided to go ahead and get a Hepatitis B shot. Now, for me, who adores the special subspace that needles send me to, this was a very trying experience. I cried. I flipped out. I hate shots. I just hate them. She gave it to me in my left arm and it was over rather quickly and we laughed earlier, especially as I had already told her the story of how I got my nipples pierced and that I wasn't afraid to get them done. But, I don't know why, but shots are different. Sucked. Ass.

I then made up my mind to go ahead and get birth control. I mean, really, what can it hurt? They gave me a three-month supply. I'm not actually looking forward to it. But, *sigh* I guess I've put it off long enough.

I wont actually get my results back for 1-3 weeks (1 for the chlamydia test and 3 for the HIV). So, now all I have to do is wait. I hate this waiting, not knowing if I have to kill Stephanie or not.

Episode 42: Halloween in Athens 2008

Halloween was Friday. For the past 5-6 years, mom hasn't let me out for Halloween. No parties. No trick-or-treating. Just sitting at home with her and Sleepy Hallow and Bram Stoker's Dracula. Well, I'm 18 now. She could have said that I couldn't go out, but I still would have.

I was more than excited about Halloween this year. My best friend lives in an apartment complex so I was more than excited by then. We could go trick-or-treating AND hand out candy!!! Too f***ing cool!!! We also made plans to go to this club, Level 131 on Broad Street in Downtown Athens, for the clubs Heaven or Hell Halloween 2008 Party! Level 131 is a dance club and I LOVE to dance. Well, me and Jordan decided we wanted to get new costumes for the club. So we (me, Jordan and our friend Alexandra) went to get costumes. By this time we're bouncing off the walls. So, it takes forever for us to get back to the apartment. It's too late to go trick-or-treating now. Disappointing, but I'm still pumping to go to the club. I should have known the night was doomed from the start, starting when we got to the costume store and they didn't have the costume I wanted.

We got into the club, saw a ton of friends from school. And then we somehow ended up spending the evening on a couch up against the back wall. Me and Alexandra kept waiting for some of our guy friends to show up so we had some guys with us on the dance floor. Jordan, spent the night with her f***ing cell phone glued to her gods d***ed hands. She let her fiance, whom she has never met and lives in Maine, ruin her night. And her negative energy spilled over to us. And then, the one little bit of drama for the night happened.

We had just gotten off the phone with Blake, who was too drunk to even find Level, when the first fight broke out. All of a sudden, there is this mob of black guys and mexican guys trying to kill each other about 10 feet away from out wall. Panic sets in. We're already too close to the wall to back up, so we quickly shuffled around them. We thought we were far enough away. We were wrong. We had to move again. This time Alexandra and I weren't quick enough. We were trapped in a corner. We were so close I'm surprised we didn't get hit. No, we were lucky we didn't get hurt.

I have no clue where the f***ing bouncers were, but eventually the different groups pulled themselves apart. And what do you know? It was a gang fight. I'm not even going to name them here. Not worth it and I don't want that kind of attention.

But anyways. It looks like everything is calmed down, all the bouncers are in that room and we go back to our couch. We aren't even there a min. before another fight breaks out and we're up and all the way across the room, out of the way and away from corners before we get trapped again. Fight lasts less than 2 min. before the bouncers break it up. We're back to our couch. And out guys show up! But what do they do? Zero in on Jordan, the tall, skinny chick with big tits. And what happens because of that? They pick up on Jordan's mood and now we're all sitting there frustrated.

Me and Alexandra take the iniative and drag Jordan and the boys to the dance floor. Now, this is what I will not understand, ever. Jordan kills our mood by just standing there. The boys just left, went back to the couch and Jordan just stood there. Well, it's no fun to dance with someone who wont dance, so we all left and was miserable on the couch again. And that was it until 3 AM when Jordan had enough and declared that we were leaving.

And get this. We're out the door and almost on the street when these idiot guys start a street fight. In the middle of Broad Street, completly surrounded by cops. The stupidity that was ruling the streets Halloween night was unbelievable. I mean, Halloween should not be the time for everyone to leave what little brains they have.

Walking down the street to the Holiday Inn Express (yes, I know, we weren't supposed to park there), I slip and fall when crossing the street. For some reason, I've been having a really hard time walking in my boots. Actually, I've been having a really hard time walking in my boots on top of road paint. Something about it makes my boots slip. And that is how the death of my favorite boots happen. The murder: road paint. Casualties: my heart. I actually cried over my boots. They are ruined. The sole has been ripped off the bottom of the left boot and the right has the same thing happening. And the leather is majorly scuffed, to the point were I don't even think I can call it scuffed, just ripped off, at the toe of the left boot. I seriously mourn my boots.

The best part of the night was The Circle Jordan and I cast. I've neglected my rituals, daily offerings and worship for far too long. It was great to be able to do it again. I'm not going to share many details of that part of the night. We wore cloaks and jeans, nothing else. Suffice it to say, we were freezing and greatful to get dressed again when we finished. lol.

The rest of the weekend went ok. Saturday we went to see Saw V, again. But this time we took Gay Man (my ex-boyfriend, Zacky-Poo..lol) with us. It's always a blast to go see a gory, bloody movie with Gay Man/Zacky-Poo. It's just so cute to me to see a gay guy cower in fear and plaster himself to me to bury his face in my hair so he doesn't have to watch. But then, we went too far. After the movie, we went to the Athens Fair. It was the lamest fair I have ever been to in my entire life. And yet, Zacky-Poo got sick. I am so glad that he didn't get sick on me. I would have felt bad for him as I killed him. But he got sick. Jordan was desperate to go on the "Ferris Wheel". Ok, this was no ordinary Ferris Wheel. It was one of those ones where if you dont control the wheel, you end up flipping upside down and going around and around upside down. Well, I'm afraid of heights. I can fly commercial and am fine. I can be on the balcony of a top floor hotel room, sitting on the railing, not holding on and be perfectly fine. But apparently, Feris Wheels, the swings that go up about 300 feet in the air, ladders, ect freak me the fuck out! And what do I do? I ride the Feris Wheel in Zacky-Poo's place. We went up and I was crying before we got half way up. Jordan laughed at me. We went around 3 times before she called to the guy to stop the ride. But she crawled out of the seat laughing at me. I wanted to strangle her.

We left very soon after that. Took Zacky-Poo home. We then went to WalMart and Chick-fil-A. Went home. Jordan went to bed in 10 min. and I watched movies and played on the internet until about 12:30. Went to bed and was jerked awake when Stephan, jordan's dad, teasingly tried to steal my teddy bear from my arms and hide it. Evil man that he is. I spoiled his plan though. I woke up and was awake until he left. Dead to the world again in 5 min.

Nothing else eventful. I packed all my crap up. Jordan drove me home. That was my Halloween weekend.

I came home on Sunday and decided that if I had known that that is what my Halloween weekend would have been like, I would have just stayed home.