Epiphany

I just had an epiphany.

Up until this very moment, I thought my depression was just a continuation of that from years ago, but I was wrong. I'm mourning the loss of my support system. I'm mourning the loss of nearly 10 years of mutual trust, love and support. The knowledge that when everything got too hard to handle one or both of them would be there for me. The knowledge that I could tell them anything at all and they wouldn't judge me, that they would be there for me in whatever way I needed. I feel so alone without J. I think I honestly don't care about S anymore, I miss what we used to mean to each other and have for years. But J is the harder pill to swallow. In the end, the things she said to me, I mean, how long had she been holding all that back?!

I love Master, I wouldn't have married him if I didn't, but it's the not the same. I can't confide in him the way I could them. I mean, you can't dish about your feelings and just girl talk about your lover to your lover.

Gods, sometimes I just feel slow.

Walmart: A Black Hole of Time

So, I went on a short trip to Walmart Saturday. I had planned my little trip the night before. I really just needed to grab a box of tampons and some salt for a saline solution to clean my new piercings with. By the next day though I had decided not to go and I was just going to walk down to McDonald’s to get something to drink. By the way, McDonald’s is just down the street, literally less than 5 min. to drive, 15 to walk, and it’s about a 7 min. drive, depending on traffic and the light, or a 30 min. walk to Walmart from the apartment. But then, right before I leave, our friend Becca IMs and tells us that she forgot the red box movie we rented the night before and it needed to be returned so she wouldn’t be charged anymore for it. *sigh* So, I had to drive to Walmart.

Normally, it wouldn’t be all bad. I decide to go to McDonald’s on the way back home instead of on the way there (big mistake this time) so I go on to Walmart. I go in, get my tampons (forgot the salt) and check out in less than 5 min. I return the movie, run into an old friend and head out to my truck. I get there, put the key in the ignition…no ding ding to start with….then nothing. Nothing at all. It wont turn over, there’s not click from the starter. Nothing. I couldn’t even get lights. I had nothing. I had a moment of panic, “OMG! My car’s dead, I’m stranded!” I take a few moments, calm down, pull myself together and go back inside to do the only thing I can think to do. Call Master. I wait in line to get the customer service desk, borrow the phone and call Master, who has the day off and is sitting at home watching tv because he didn’t want to come the store and I didn’t complain about it because I was just going to get tampons and return the movie. His advice is to wiggle one of the battery cables and the truck should start, that the truck did this one time with him right after we had the guys in automotive put in the new battery and if that doesn’t work, go back to automotive and have them check it out and see what they can do.

So, I go back out, pop the hood and attempt to wiggle wires and get the stupid thing to work. Nothing happens. *sigh* Grab my purse and head back in and to the back. I get back there and after a wait to get in contact with a manager to permit one of the guys to come out with me to see the truck, I go back, trailed closely by the automotive guy, Ken. We get out there, pop the hood again and he wiggles the wires, looks around, asks me to turn the key, nothing happens, he looks around some more and checks the fuses and says that they all look good so he’s going to go back and get the battery checker thing. Ok. I sit there. And I wait. Forever.

He finally comes back with this huge thing, bigger than the size of the battery itself. He hooks up, waits a few minutes and tells me that there isn’t a charge at all. He says they can exchange my battery for a new one because it’s still under warranty and I’m all for doing whatever we can to get the thing to even turn on so I can at least go home. He says he’ll send someone out for it and he goes and takes the charger checker thing back with him. A little while later, yet another automotive guy comes out and he tells me that instead of giving me a new battery they’re going to take mine and they’re going to charge it up. *shrugs* Ok. Whatever. I don’t care at this point, I just want it to run. So, he takes my battery out and tells me that it take at least another hour before it’s charged. Ok. I’ll sit here in my glorified chair.

I have no idea how long it really takes, seeing as I don’t have a cell phone and I haven’t bought a new battery for my Hello Kitty watch, but a long while later, when I’m half asleep in my truck, yet another automotive guy brings me my battery. He tells me that my battery is rated at 400-something and it’s reading at 500-something, so whatever the problem is, it isn’t my battery. He puts it back in, says he’s sorry that they couldn’t figure it out, that with everything that’s been described it seems like it must be a wiring problem. Basically they’re all baffled, seeing as the battery has a high charge and I wasn’t having any problems with it before then.

I go back in, go to customer service and call Master again. I let him know what’s been going on, that they can’t do anything and that I need a ride. He lets me know that my mom is going to come get me and that they would both come look at the truck and see if they can figure it out. I ask him to try and get a ride over from the neighbors downstairs, he says he will and we say goodbye. I go back out to wait for my mother to show up, who is at least 30 min. away at home. I take a nice long nap in the front seat, only to be awakened by the tingling in my numb hand. Not sure how much later, right as I’m drifting around, almost asleep again, I hear a knock on my window. It’s mom! She finally arrives.

We pop the hood and she looks at things, wiggles some wires and goes off to get her handy dandy set of tools. I’m sitting in the front seat, I can’t see what she’s doing but all of sudden, my truck starts to ding ding at me! Suddenly, I have power again!

Do you want to know what she did? She tightened two bolts! That’s fucking it. Two bolts connected to the clamp on the battery, creating a loose connection. *angry face* I was stuck in the Walmart parking lot for about 4 hours because of a loose bolt, that three automotive guys couldn’t figure out was the problem and fix!

Oh! and after she gets it fixed and puts the tools away, she turns and looks at me and asks, “You know you have roadside assistance with USAA, right?”. Well, no, I didn’t. But I do now. So, yeah, even if I only go to pick up a box of tampons, Walmart will still find a way to be a black hole for my time.

I’m really glad that that was the only thing wrong with it though. I’m pissed that they couldn’t figure it out. I mean, really, come on. It was simple, staring them in the faces and they didn’t see it. *shakes head*

Mom ended up taking me to Olive Garden for dinner afterward. We ended up sitting at the bar so we wouldn’t have to wait for 40 min. to get a table. It was an interesting experience, one I’m sure Mom wont want to have again. LOL It was fun though, getting to see Mom without her just stopping by and then rushing on home.

Later that night I ordered the crinoline skirt to go under my wedding dress. It should be here either by the end of the week or beginning of next week. We’ll see. Hopefully it’s full enough to majorly pull my dress up off the floor. Oh! Grandma and Grandpa called from their cruise…and now Grandma is insisting on doing the alterations. *sigh* I’m not sure what I’m going to tell April, a friend of ours, who is supposed to be altering the dress. Grandma’s going to be upset if she can’t do it for me. I hope April will understand. I’m going to feel bad though. *sigh*

Well, off to order Master’s wedding band and either watch some tv or go to bed.

xoxo

Slave Belle

Valentine's Day

Yesterday was Valentine’s Day. Master had a short day at work and got back home around 2 in the afternoon. I planned a nice grilled steak dinner for Master, Bubble and I with mashed potatoes on the side and salads for Bubble and I. I also bought a bottle of nice Sangria.

We exchanged presents when she got here. She gave the both of us a present and then we each got our own present from her. She gave us a pretty nice candy dish. It’s white on the inside, with “I ADORE YOU” and hearts on the bottom of the dish. She gave Master a very nice, handmade card, with a kiss on the inside (so cute!), an adorable little red bear that plays music and two bags of Sweetarts Hearts. She gave me a beautiful handmade card too, with a kiss on the inside (:D) and a gorgeous handmade bracelet. We gave her a Valentine’s mug filled with Lindt truffles, milk chocolate and dark chocolate mint, the most adorable black and white striped sock monkey with a red heart on the monkey (which she loved ), a card, an iTunes gift card and a box of Trojan condoms.

We had a lovely dinner. We watched Dinner for Schmuck’s and Grown Ups. And ate yummy dark chocolate brownies with walnuts. After we had brownies and the movies were over, we all made out and had some general yummy bonding times.

It was good for us. For all of us. At least I feel like it was. We all went to sleep cuddling in bed, snuggling and it was wonderful. All in all, it was a perfect Valentine’s Day.

Playing Catch Up

I was just looking through this blog and realized that it's been a long time since I really updated this before the other night when I was really just rambling and needed to get stuff out. It's been a whole year that I haven't updated. My last decent posts were from back in 2009. O_O I still can't believe it's been that long.

I recovered, slowly, from Blake. I re-read my posts about him and it's interesting to read how I felt about him then and the lack of emotion I feel now about him. I mean, he is still an ass for leaving me the way he did and I'm more miffed about the fact that he took my favorite mythology book with him and refused to give it back, even if I sent him the money to pay for the shipping and packaging back to me. Oh well, I will just buy myself a new copy at some point or another.

After the blog I wrote about the drama with Stephanie, I attracted some attention on MySpace. One of the guys that wrote me about it was intriguing in the casual sex kind of way. After a few weeks of talking I decided to go on a date with him. I was still living with mom at the time and for a while I tried to find some way to get into Athens without mom knowing I was going to meet a 31 year old man. I knew nothing bad was going to happen, but that's kind of hard to explain to my mother. But, he ended up coming to pick me up at mom's anyway. I told her he was coming and I was down at the barn when he pulled up the driveway and I told her he was here and I walked back up to the house to meet him. I figured she was coming up to meet him too before we left. We waited for 10 minutes or so and when she still hadn't come up from the barn, we decided to just go. BIG MISTAKE!

We ended up going to Blur that night to try and catch the Drag show but beforehand we stopped in at his apartment to kill some time before the show. I IMed my friend Jordan, who living right up the road from his apartment and asked her if she wanted to come to Blur with us and she said no and informed me that my mother was freaking out that she couldn't get in touch with me and I told Jordan that she shouldn't be freaking out, I told her where we were going and when we would be back and Jordan just brushed it off as well, another BIG MISTAKE. But anyways. We attempted to have sex, THE FIRST NIGHT WE MET, and it just didn't work. I was too small and he was way too big. I distinctly remember reaching down to grab his cock to try and help and saying once I did "Oh my god! it's a monster!!!". LOL. We gave up and went on to the club. We missed the show, which was annoying as hell to me but oh well, it was our fault. We ended up walking around downtown for a little while before heading on back to my moms house.

All hell broke loose when we got there. Mom was pissed and yelling at the both of us. I got so mad at her I was nearly crying in anger. And then her head nearly exploded when she found out how old he was. But I didn't care. We continued to see each other.

A few weeks later I had my license and my truck finally. Every Thursday I would drive in to town for a Mary Kay meeting and stay at his place from Thursday until Monday when I go home. This was ok for a while. His roommate started to get frustrated with it though and even though I tried to stay out of the way and cook and clean and stuff, the shit eventually hit the fan with that living situation. He ended up moving out of his roommates place, and in to my room at my moms. Oh joy of joys.

Living with my boyfriend and my mother under the same roof was painfully annoying. Dealing with my mothers obvious suspicion of an older man and her younger daughter, my mothers heartbreak over my father's sudden desertion and infidelity and making just enough money to pay bills was putting a strain on us all. There were good times but mostly bad times. Stuff got even weirder in the house once he proposed. He asked my mother's permission first, he says he would have asked Dad but Dad wasn't there to ask, and mom gave him her blessing, if I accepted, that is. I think she honestly thought I would say no. But I didn’t.

Will and I moved out a few months after that and have been in our apartment in Athens for almost a year now and we just signed another year lease. We’re working on getting pre-qualified for a mortgage and it’s looking like it’ll take another two years instead of the one we thought it would be. We’ll probably be in our apartment for another two years or so. We need to get his credit score fixed and I don’t have any credit at all. The loan officer says we need to have good credit and that could take a while.

The wedding is in September. We finally put the deposit down on the facility. The wedding will be outdoors in the pavilion by the lake at one of the parks in Athens. It should be a lovely fall day and everything will be perfect. I’m convinced of it.

So anyways, you’re now up to date with everything major that’s happened in the past two years. I plan on keeping this blog updated often. Until next time.

xoxo

Slave Belle

Bubble

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Sit on Kinky Santa's Lap

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Episode 53: Fatal Wound on the Battlefield of Love

Today...today I feel like shit. I'm sure I don't feel as bad as my mother does, or even my father, today.

I found out today that my father has been having an online affair and wants a divorce. He says he still cares for my mother, but he no longer loves her. Monday was their 24th wedding anniversery. They've been married for 24 years. Twenty-four years of love and happiness and he wants to throw it away for someone he met online.

Damn! Doesn't that sound like the pot calling the kettle black, eh? *sigh*

*double sigh*

I may not always like my parents, but they've always been the constant in my life. I've always looked into the future and known they would be together, no doubt about it. But now....now nothing is certain.

My mother was slaughtered on the battlefield of love yesterday when he told her.

I was wounded today.

This whole thing doesn't make any sense.