Episode 48: Escape

For the first time ever, I understand why people do drugs to escape. To escape the pain of living. To escape their lives.

I want an escape. I need an escape. I need a rewind button to unwind this mistake. It's the worst thing I think I have ever done to someone I deeply love, not to mention another human being.

How do you choose one love over another? Should you choose one love over another? What happens when you do and you realize you may have made the biggest mistake of your life? What happens when you know you've just made a huge mistake and you know it can't be made right again?

You need to escape.

I need to escape. I need to escape. I need to escape.

Goddess for Today

NINA

Themes: Health; Cooperation; Dreams; Magick; Meditation.
Symbols: Lions; Fish; Serpent (her sacred animals)

About Nina: A very ancient Mother Goddess figure in Mesopotamia, Nina has many powers, including healing, herb magick, meditation, dream interpretation, and helping civilization along when needed. Today we will be focusing on her healthful attributes and knowledge of herbs to improve well-being for the winter months.

To Do Today: Pan-American Health Day focuses on worldwide cooperation in the public heath field. On the home front, do everything possible to make your home and body healthy and strong. Beginning in your living space, wash the floors using sage water, and burn a sage smudge stick. This herb decreases germ infestation and is magickally aligned with Nina's energy. As you go through your home, carry a small bell and add this incantation:

Nina, come and make us well;
banish sickness with the ringing of this bell.

Ring the bell in each room at the end of the incantation. In many religious traditions, bells are considered to scare away the evil influences that cause sickness.

To overcome a troublesome malady, put a picture of one of Nina's sacred animals under your pillow to invoke a healing dream. This tradition is very old and sometimes results in healthful energy being conveyed through your dream, or in a dream that shows you what to do for a cure.

Goddess For Today, November 27, 2008

Mina Koya

Themes: eather; health; Ghosts; Blessing

Symbol: Salt

About Mina Koya: The salt goddess of the Pueblo Indians, Mina Koya is often venerated during autumn festivals for her power to cleanse, protect, and preserve things, including our homes and traditions. Her healing power becomes all the more important as winter’s chilly hold gets stronger.

To Do Today: New Mexican festival, Shalako is an all-night ritual of dancing and chanting to bless homes, commemorate the dead, bring good weather, and improve health for all participants. One tradition that honors Mina Koya and draws her well-being into the sacred space of home is that of noise making. Take a flat-bottomed pan and sprinkle salt on it. Bang this once in every room of the house (so some of the salt shakes off). This banishes negativity and evil, replacing it with Mina Koya’s blessing. To improve the effect, chant and dance afterward, sweeping up the salt and keeping it for the weather charm that follows. Or, flush the salt down the toilet to flush out any maladies.

If it’s been wet or snowy and you need a reprieve, bind a little salt in a white cloth and bury it. The weather should change temporarily soon thereafter. This bundle will also protect your home and its residents from damage by harsh weather for as long as it stays in the ground nearby.

Goddess for Novemeber 25, 2008

Arianrhod

Themes: Arts; Magick; Manifestation; RebirthSymbols: A Silver Wheel (spinning tools: shuttle, yarn)

About Arianhod: In Welsh tradition, this is the goddess of the "silver wheel" upon which magick is braided and bound together in a tapestry of manifestation. Stories tell us that Arianhod abides in a star where souls wait for rebirth (the wheel here becomes the wheel of life, death, and rebirth).

To Do Today: Known as Catherine of the Wheel, this saint oversees spinsters (literally and figuratively) . Like Arianhod, she is a patroness for lace makers and seamstresses. In keeping with this theme, today is an excellent time to try your hand at making a special pouch for housing some of your magickal tools or trinkets. Begin with two rectangles of natural-fiber cloth one inch larger that the item you wish to house within. Put the right sides together and stitch three edges, leaving a three-quarters of an inch opening at the top for a drawstring to finished edge. Turn the pouch right side out. Repeat the goddess's name to bind Arianhod's power ineach stitch. Fold over the top hem twice so it won't unravel, and stitch that with silver thread for the goddess's protection.

If time doesn't allow for this, a favored beverage to inspire this goddess's blessings is ale or cider with an apple slice or caraway bread and tea. Pour a little of this out as a libation, then drink it fully to awaken and energize Arianhod's magickal potential within you.

Episode 47: Mistakes

Ever had a day when all of the mistakes you've made in the past became painfully and acutely aware to you?

That's how I feel. There are few things that I feel I did right this year but more than that, I sit here today and see everything I did wrong. It makes my heart hurt to sit here and think of all of those mistakes and it brings tears to my eyes knowing that I can't change what has been done. That I had everything I wanted in the palm of my hand but I failed to see it for what it was or more often than not, I was too impatient to wait it out

Episode 46: Giving Up

Do you ever feel like just letting go, giving up? Do you ever feel like it's all a waste of time.

Well I do. I don't know if I can keep going like this. I feel like I'm spread too thin, that my emotions are spread too thin. I don't want to feel like this. I don't know how to love three people, long distance, and keep us all happy. But then again, is that necessarily my job? I don't know. All I know is I have this strong desire to make everyone happy. I want the people I love to be happy, but I have to be happy too and I dont know how to do that when faced with the knowledge that he loves someone else.

*crying* I just want to be loved and I want them all happy, but I don't know how to deal when the way for them to be happy isn't me.

Episode 45: On the Subject of Love

So, on the subject of love. How long do you wait, after you feel you are in love with someone, to tell them? Sometimes, it doesn't take me long at all. Sometimes I don't even realize I am in love with the person until it just slips out. Sometimes it takes me years to realize I am in love with someone.

But then, there are the times that I know I am in love with someone and am afraid to tell them. Ever have that happen? You know you love someone but are afraid to tell them, in case they don't feel the same?

And I don't mean loving someone, I really do mean, being in love. Loving someone and being in love are two different things. I know who I love and I know who I am in love with. I know that I love the people I love and I also know that I would love them even if I weren't "in love" with them.

Am I making any sense? I'm trying to talk about how I feel about certain people, without revealing names.

I feel that I am in love with someone, but I'm afraid to tell them how I feel. I mean, rejection is a big fear for me. I don't want to tell him that I am in love with him and then have him tell me that he likes me but that he doesn't love me back.

So, how long is long enough before telling someone that you are in love with them, or that you think you are falling in love with them?

I just....I don't know if I can tell him that not only do I love him, and I do, but that I think I am in love with him.