Goddess For Today, November 27, 2008

Mina Koya

Themes: eather; health; Ghosts; Blessing

Symbol: Salt

About Mina Koya: The salt goddess of the Pueblo Indians, Mina Koya is often venerated during autumn festivals for her power to cleanse, protect, and preserve things, including our homes and traditions. Her healing power becomes all the more important as winter’s chilly hold gets stronger.

To Do Today: New Mexican festival, Shalako is an all-night ritual of dancing and chanting to bless homes, commemorate the dead, bring good weather, and improve health for all participants. One tradition that honors Mina Koya and draws her well-being into the sacred space of home is that of noise making. Take a flat-bottomed pan and sprinkle salt on it. Bang this once in every room of the house (so some of the salt shakes off). This banishes negativity and evil, replacing it with Mina Koya’s blessing. To improve the effect, chant and dance afterward, sweeping up the salt and keeping it for the weather charm that follows. Or, flush the salt down the toilet to flush out any maladies.

If it’s been wet or snowy and you need a reprieve, bind a little salt in a white cloth and bury it. The weather should change temporarily soon thereafter. This bundle will also protect your home and its residents from damage by harsh weather for as long as it stays in the ground nearby.

Goddess for Novemeber 25, 2008

Arianrhod

Themes: Arts; Magick; Manifestation; RebirthSymbols: A Silver Wheel (spinning tools: shuttle, yarn)

About Arianhod: In Welsh tradition, this is the goddess of the "silver wheel" upon which magick is braided and bound together in a tapestry of manifestation. Stories tell us that Arianhod abides in a star where souls wait for rebirth (the wheel here becomes the wheel of life, death, and rebirth).

To Do Today: Known as Catherine of the Wheel, this saint oversees spinsters (literally and figuratively) . Like Arianhod, she is a patroness for lace makers and seamstresses. In keeping with this theme, today is an excellent time to try your hand at making a special pouch for housing some of your magickal tools or trinkets. Begin with two rectangles of natural-fiber cloth one inch larger that the item you wish to house within. Put the right sides together and stitch three edges, leaving a three-quarters of an inch opening at the top for a drawstring to finished edge. Turn the pouch right side out. Repeat the goddess's name to bind Arianhod's power ineach stitch. Fold over the top hem twice so it won't unravel, and stitch that with silver thread for the goddess's protection.

If time doesn't allow for this, a favored beverage to inspire this goddess's blessings is ale or cider with an apple slice or caraway bread and tea. Pour a little of this out as a libation, then drink it fully to awaken and energize Arianhod's magickal potential within you.

Episode 47: Mistakes

Ever had a day when all of the mistakes you've made in the past became painfully and acutely aware to you?

That's how I feel. There are few things that I feel I did right this year but more than that, I sit here today and see everything I did wrong. It makes my heart hurt to sit here and think of all of those mistakes and it brings tears to my eyes knowing that I can't change what has been done. That I had everything I wanted in the palm of my hand but I failed to see it for what it was or more often than not, I was too impatient to wait it out

Episode 46: Giving Up

Do you ever feel like just letting go, giving up? Do you ever feel like it's all a waste of time.

Well I do. I don't know if I can keep going like this. I feel like I'm spread too thin, that my emotions are spread too thin. I don't want to feel like this. I don't know how to love three people, long distance, and keep us all happy. But then again, is that necessarily my job? I don't know. All I know is I have this strong desire to make everyone happy. I want the people I love to be happy, but I have to be happy too and I dont know how to do that when faced with the knowledge that he loves someone else.

*crying* I just want to be loved and I want them all happy, but I don't know how to deal when the way for them to be happy isn't me.

Episode 45: On the Subject of Love

So, on the subject of love. How long do you wait, after you feel you are in love with someone, to tell them? Sometimes, it doesn't take me long at all. Sometimes I don't even realize I am in love with the person until it just slips out. Sometimes it takes me years to realize I am in love with someone.

But then, there are the times that I know I am in love with someone and am afraid to tell them. Ever have that happen? You know you love someone but are afraid to tell them, in case they don't feel the same?

And I don't mean loving someone, I really do mean, being in love. Loving someone and being in love are two different things. I know who I love and I know who I am in love with. I know that I love the people I love and I also know that I would love them even if I weren't "in love" with them.

Am I making any sense? I'm trying to talk about how I feel about certain people, without revealing names.

I feel that I am in love with someone, but I'm afraid to tell them how I feel. I mean, rejection is a big fear for me. I don't want to tell him that I am in love with him and then have him tell me that he likes me but that he doesn't love me back.

So, how long is long enough before telling someone that you are in love with them, or that you think you are falling in love with them?

I just....I don't know if I can tell him that not only do I love him, and I do, but that I think I am in love with him.

Episode 44: Update on Living Arrangement

Just thought I would come in and add this one little bit.

In 2-3 weeks, I am moving out of my parents house and into my friend Blake's house. I'll be living with Blake and a mutual friend Sam out near Watson's Mill.

I'm excited about this move, finally being away from my parents, but I'm also afraid. Afraid of the change.

But, that's what I came back to say. Lol.

Episode 43: Doctors Appointment

I had my doctors appointment today. Sucked ass. Filled out all this paper work. Had to sit around for a while. Then the nurse called me back and we weighed me (holy shit! do i need to lose weight!!!!), measured me (yep, I'm stil 4 foot 11 and 1/2 inches tall), blood pressure, pricked my finger to check my iron count and then moved me into the little exam room. *sigh*

I know, same old same old shit. Very long story short, I wore nothing but paper today. Oh! Wait, not true. I also wore my socks. I got my HIV test done. Did you know that they don't have to draw blood anymore to determine HIV, that they can test your saliva for the HIV antibodies? I didn't either. Pretty cool though. Then came the breast exam. Always weird to have some cute little chick have her fingers all over your breasts and still manage to be calm and professional about it, even when your breathing increases.

And then the pelvic and pap smear exams. Suffice it to say, I don't remember my first pap smear hurting this bad. The pressure really sucked. Oh, and apparently my cervix is tilted which added to the tension when she locked the speculum to do the swabs. Now, I don't know what this woman did, but I cried when she did one of the swabs. Hurt so bad. And not in the good way, at all. She did one more swab than necessary. She said she wanted to look at it under the micro. Turns out I have a very very very mild yeast infection. One pill, that she gave me, is supposed to clear it all up. I don't know if it will or not, as I didn't notice any symptoms to begin with. *sigh*

Oh, what joy the pelvic exam was. Similar to the breast exam actually. It's been so long since I've had fingers other than my own in my cunt that it was deff. an experience to have hers, gloved or not, in my cunt. But oh well. I was then able to clean off the lube (anyone know what they use? it was an unmarked bottle and I'm curious) and get re-dressed.

We talked about some other things. I decided to go ahead and get a Hepatitis B shot. Now, for me, who adores the special subspace that needles send me to, this was a very trying experience. I cried. I flipped out. I hate shots. I just hate them. She gave it to me in my left arm and it was over rather quickly and we laughed earlier, especially as I had already told her the story of how I got my nipples pierced and that I wasn't afraid to get them done. But, I don't know why, but shots are different. Sucked. Ass.

I then made up my mind to go ahead and get birth control. I mean, really, what can it hurt? They gave me a three-month supply. I'm not actually looking forward to it. But, *sigh* I guess I've put it off long enough.

I wont actually get my results back for 1-3 weeks (1 for the chlamydia test and 3 for the HIV). So, now all I have to do is wait. I hate this waiting, not knowing if I have to kill Stephanie or not.