Episode 12: Excitement II

Well, today has been the most eventful day of my life. I made the dicision to not be a fucking pansy, and what do I get? Everything. He is the most important person in my life. I love him. I have never been happier than I am when I am with him. He's everything I have been looking for. It's just taken me 17 years to find him. Why does it take so long for two people to find each other? Why does fate place them so far away from each other? Oh wait, I know the answer. Nevermind. And the answer for those curious few who don't know, fate places two halves of a soul apart, so that those two halves can grow and learn from it. Sometimes, without those experiences, we never become who we are meant to be. I am glad that we have found each other.
I love him, beyond words. Every second without him is agony. I love him, completly and without a doubt.

Episode 11: Excitement

YAY ME!!! I told him how I felt...and go me, he felt the same. So, I give myself major kudos for having enough nerve to actually tell him. I have never been so excited in my entire life!!!

Episode 10: Keep Holding On by Avril Lavigne

http://youtube.com/watch?v=iBi3iltquH4

I love this song but I have new reasons now that are all my own.......

Episode 9: Wisdom

Alright, I have had some wisdom yelled into me this afternoon/evening. Life is about taking chances. And I am going to take one. I like someone, and after careful nervousness and debating, i am going to throw caution to the wind and do as my good friend told me, "just go with the flow". So, I am going to go with the flow and ask the object of my affections out tomorrow and see if the shit hits the fan.

Episode 8: All Around Me by Flyleaf

My hands are searching for you
My arms are outstretched towards you
I feel you on my fingertips
My tongue dances behind my lips for you

This fire rising through my being
Burning I'm not used to seeing you

I'm alive, I'm alive

I can feel you all around me
Thickening the air I'm breathing
Holding on to what I'm feeling
Savoring this heart that's healing

My hands float up above me
And you whisper you love me
And I begin to fade
Into our secret place

The music makes me sway
The angels singing say we are alone with you
I am alone and they are too with you

I'm alive, I'm alive

I can feel you all around me
Thickening the air I'm breathing
Holding on to what I'm feeling
Savoring this heart that's healing

And so I cry
The light is white
And I see you

I'm alive, I'm alive, I'm alive

I can feel you all around me
Thickening the air I'm breathing
Holding on to what I'm feeling
Savoring this heart that's healing

Take my hand
I give it to you
Now you own me
All I am
You said you would never leave me
I believe you
I believe

I can feel you all around me
Thickening the air I'm breathing
Holding on to what I'm feeling
Savoring this heart that's healed


for my own reasons, this song has a lot of meaning to me

Episode 7: Ramblings 1

So, I had one of the best, if not the best, weekend of my life this past weekend. And it's not like i did anything spectacular or news worthy. I just hung out with some of the most important people in my life. And sometimes I wonder as to how quickly one of those have become that important to me. Why does fate hand us things which we can never understand? I know I keep saying over and over again in my previous blogs that love is the point to everything. And why is it that hundreds of people look at porn or try and veiw people over webcams. I may be coming to the answer. They may be desperate. They may be anti-social, or abnormal(that's another thing, what is NORMAL?). But, I think most of all, they are lonely. They are alone. Being alone is the worst thing in the world. To be alone for too long brings all sorts of other trouble, self-doubt, uncertainty, nervousnous, the inability to interact well with others, and the worst of all, wanting it all to end, all the pain, all that self-laothing, all of it. Now, that might be completly off base, but that's how I have found it to be.
And, maybe I just had to fall for someone again to realize all this. Maybe everyone already knew all this. Who knows? All I know is what I know. I'm in deffinite like with someone, but what good does it do me? I can't do anything about it. And that is almost worst than the scars on my wrist. But not by much. What do you do when you like someone and there really isn't anything you can do about it? Love is grand, but unrequited love is worse than not having anyone in the first place.

Episode 6: Rant Number 3

Ok, so another branch of my rant from yesterday. Love and sex may be the main reasons to be here but I have come to realize that there are right ways to go about it and wrong ways to go about it. The wrong way is when you message someone over the internet, proposition them and then refuse to talk to them after you discover that they can not give you what you want. Or just using them to get what you want, and leaving them high and dry after you yourself are satisfied. What is the point??!! I have yet to discover the answer but I know that I am pissed with being proposition and then put down after I say no. Love and sex. Lovely things, if done right. Love can go wrong so fast. But why? Why does it have to? Why can't we just find that one person who makes our heart soar and be with them forever? Why cant love be reciprical, always? Because without the knowledge that pain brings, we would be nothing. But what is so bad about being nothing. Who really cares? Why can't love just be love and those who wish to live for something else just live for it?